What's a mom to do?

What a blessing it is to know many ladies of many ages who are recipients of God’s saving grace and are following Jesus. They encourage and challenge me by the grace I see expressed in and through their lives. I benefit from those who are part of our family by birth or marriage and from those whom I have known across the years and miles. I also reap the reward of worshiping with such sisters in Christ week by week within Covenant Community Church.

Many of these female saints are mothers. As mothers, they bless their families with their sacrificial service for the good of their husbands and children. Some ladies who are not mothers or whose children have grown and moved away serve as spiritual mothers to young ladies, and some who still have children at home are spiritual mothers to others outside their nuclear family.

Some mothers in our church – and many other churches – are home educators as well. In addition to all the responsibilities all mothers have, these mothers also teach their children reading, writing, math and the other disciplines. For mothers with large families, this can mean home-schooling children for as much as a quarter of a century.

A recent conversation with my wife -- as well as some writing by Stephen Altrogge at The Blazing Center blog -- prompted me to want to write something for Christian mothers. This won’t be as provocative or as humorous as Altrogge’s posts, but I hope it proves helpful. You can read his posts on the subject here and here.

Here are some questions to set the stage for six recommendations: How does a Christian mother respond to the challenges mothers have always faced? And how does a Christian mother respond in seasons sometimes further complicated by even more responsibilities? How does she react to criticism from a world that often does not esteem motherhood? How does a mother respond when other Christians – often other mothers – pile unbiblical expectations on her and try to tell her via books, blogs, Facebook, speeches and one-on-one communication she is failing or she is not being a faithful Christian mother?

Certainly, it helps to have a loving and servant-hearted husband who leads her by grace. And it is beneficial to have children who genuinely express gratitude.

What I share below, however, is for a mother to apply regardless of how good her support system is. I hope these points will help mothers know how to think biblically about the unhelpful and even disconcerting messages they may receive from others. These points can be applied by any follower of Christ to his or her life, but I offer them specifically for mothers who are seeking to do their best to love their children and rear them to worship God and follow Jesus.

1. Flee fundamentalism, legalism and any other performance-based approach to Christianity. While sincere, those individuals and ministries that excel at burdening mothers and others with works-based and/or culturally driven standards seem always to be with us. They promote what amounts to an unbiblical, grace-deprived Christianity. Don’t let these anti-gospel messages define you.

2. Flee to Jesus and His gospel. This point is really a summary of those that follow, but there seems to be a need to state it explicitly. If you are going to flee something, you need to run to someone or something. Run to Jesus.

3. Recognize your security and most important identity are in Jesus. They are not in whether you do all the mommy things some Christian voices or some in the world try to convince you a good mother does. They are not in whether you accomplish all the things you think you should. They are not even in those occasions when you do accomplish all you think you should. As Milton Vincent says in A Gospel Primer for Christians:

The gospel also reminds me that my righteous standing with God always holds firm regardless of my performance, because my standing is based solely on the work of Jesus and not mine. On my worst days of sin and failure, the gospel encourages me with God’s unrelenting grace toward me. On my best days of victory and usefulness, the gospel keeps me relating to God solely on the basis of Jesus’ righteousness and not mine.

Your security and most important identity are also not in how your children perform. They are not in how your children turn out. That is important, but you cannot control those outcomes, no matter how well you perform your role as mother. You are not sovereign – even over your children’s lives. God is. Trust Him, because He is worthy of trust. Rest – yes, rest – in who Jesus is as your Savior, Lord and Life and in what He has done for you.

4. Preach the gospel to yourself. Remind yourself at least daily – maybe several times a day – what the gospel is and what Jesus has done for you. He is your substitute in His righteous life, His all-sufficient death and His triumphant resurrection. The gospel of Jesus is the truth that matters most. Read the New Testament with your spiritual eyes attuned to what it says Jesus achieved for you and who you are as a result of that work on your behalf.

5. Live by grace. Your salvation is all of God and all of His grace. Remind yourself of that grace when you fail. Extend grace to other mothers who do things differently than you while living under the lordship of Christ. Shower grace on your children, giving them a real-life picture of a God who is a loving, forgiving, embracing Father and not a performance-based, rule-focused tyrant.

6. Spend time with grace-extending ladies in a church with a growing gospel culture. Have other ladies in your life as mentors and friends who are seeking to live by the gospel of grace and are not continually burdening themselves and others with the weight of a moralistic, performance-focused mentality. This is best done in a church where everyone is hearing the gospel proclaimed and applied from all of Scripture to Christians, as well as non-Christians, and the church is growing in grace as a result. Our church is blessed by ladies who have learned to reject fundamentalism and legalism and are able to guide younger mothers in living by the gospel of grace. An online resource that is helpful for mothers is the Domestic Kingdom blog, which is edited by Gloria Furman, a pastor’s wife and mother in Dubai. She also is the author of the forthcoming book, Glimpses of Grace: Treasuring the Gospel in Your Home.

(As always, I welcome your comments and questions on anything I have written in this post.)