Dave posted his testimony about God's sovereign grace in the midst of disability Oct. 25 at Desiring God's blog. Gloria posted a testimony from her perspective about God's grace in their marriage May 8 at the blog she edits, Domestic Kingdom.
I strongly encourage you to read both and catch a glimpse of the gospel grace available to all who belong to Jesus.
Here is Dave's post, which is titled "The Struggles and Hopes of a Disabled Dad:"
Ten years ago I was white-knuckling the handles of a raft in the rapids of Costa Rica while my wife and I were on our honeymoon.Here is an excerpt from Gloria's testimony, which is titled "God’s story of grace in marriage:"
Ten years later on our anniversary, a kind stranger offered his help to my wife who was trying her best to lift my disabled body into an inner tube at a hotel pool. I can only imagine what was going through that gentleman’s mind when he saw me struggling to float down a lazy river.
God’s Beautiful Design
Ten years ago I never would have dreamed that I would have a physical disability. But God knew the beautiful design he had for me and for the spread of his gospel would involve taking away the strength of my hands.
There have been times when I couldn’t lift a cup of water to my lips to take a drink or open the fridge to feed myself. Most mornings my preschool-aged daughters help me button my shirt. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been able to pick up any one of my three babies. Sometimes I can’t even shake hands.
On a trip to the States for a pastor’s conference I was eating lunch with a big group of pastors. Without a word, one of my elders leaned over and graciously cut my steak for me so I could eat it. Sensing the awkwardness around the table of men who were not aware of my disability, he joked, “This is the way you serve your pastor!”
It’s been over five years now since my doctor discovered that the nerves in my arms weren’t working — firing off chronic pain signals to my brain and twisting themselves into painful neuromas. I’ve had five surgeries on my arms, worked for hundreds of hours in therapy, and taken a cocktail of medicines to give me some relief.
While I’m thankful for modern medicines and the relief they can provide, I understand that my greatest hope doesn’t come in a prescription.
The Strengthening Word
As a preacher I have seen the power of God’s word in the lives of others. And as a disabled pastor I have felt the power of God’s word in my own time of need.
I need other believers to encourage me with the hard texts of suffering and God’s sovereignty. I need to be reminded that God has plans to glorify himself through me because of my pain.
As a person who experiences chronic pain and physical disability, I need to be reminded of God’s sovereign goodness. I need to know that God can use me no matter my physical potential. I need to see lightning bolts of God’s grace shoot through my depression as I wrestle with nerve pain in the middle of the night. I need to be reminded of God’s good design in my disability to strengthen me in the daily reminders of my physical weakness.
The Strong Grip of Grace on My Family
God in His grace and wisdom saw it fitting to take away my arm strength and ability. If God means this disability for my good then I can trust him even though it hurts. My arms physically hurt and it hurts me when I can’t dance around with my daughters or playfully wrestle with my son. At times I am tempted to discouragement about the long-term impact that my disability has on my children. This is all the more reason that I must trust that God did not design my disability to harm me or my children.
My disability instead highlights God’s superior ability. God is our Provider and Father. I may not be able to physically tend to my children’s needs or defend them against physical threats. But God can and he does.
In many ways my physical disability has prepared me to spiritually lead my family. As the head of my family I lead my wife and children, shepherd them, and invest eternally in their lives. God does this work of primary import in and through me — a broken vessel. God gets the glory as I rely on him for the strength I need to do these things.
And so I can say along with the Psalmist words in Psalm 90:17, “Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!”
Last night Dave and I met a couple for dinner at a restaurant. We couldn’t finish our meal so the server packaged the leftovers for us and put them in a bag.You can read her entire blog post here.
Dave carried the takeaway bag halfway to the car and then he handed it to me. “It’s getting heavy; I can’t carry it anymore,” he said.
Anyone who saw this transaction take place might have thought one of many things. Things like: “Gee whiz, how much food did you guys take away?” or “What kind of man would tell his wife to carry the leftovers? He should gladly serve her.”
I remember one occasion years ago when I was packing our suitcases into our car outside of a hotel where we stayed on a road trip. I pushed the baby’s stroller with one hand and pulled the luggage cart behind me. I unlocked the car, opened the passenger door for Dave, clipped his seat belt, put the baby in her car seat, and proceeded to load the trunk with our belongings.
Three women seated on a bench next to the car gawked at us. They began to murmur among themselves. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it became apparent to me that they were talking about us.
One woman called out to me,
“Honey, your husband is no good! You deserve better! Who does he think he is, making you do all his work?”
I praise God that the passenger door was closed and Dave didn’t hear her taunting. The audacity of such a statement boiled my blood. But she was ignorant. We all make assumptions when we can’t see people’s scars — whether they’re bilateral 9-inch scars on someone’s arms or scars on a broken heart that is riddled with sin and the pain of living in a fallen world.
God gets the credit for giving me the grace I needed to not hurl insults back at her. I let her mocking go with a kind response and replied as I slid into the driver’s seat and started the car,
“He’s disabled, ma’am.”
For over five years now Dave has been struggling with a nerve disorder in both of his arms. The nerves in his arms misfire signals to his brain and tell his brain that his muscles are on fire. Dave has been in the hospital 17 times for surgeries and procedures to help his arms.
Even though Dave’s chronic pain is ever-present, physical therapy has greatly benefited him. He can carry a takeaway bag halfway to the car now! Praise God!
In all of our challenges and discouragements God has been faithful. But what if I believed the lie that woman was spouting? What if I agreed that my husband is “no good” and that I “deserve better” and that Dave had unfairly shrugged off his responsibilities onto me?
If I had had the time and if those women had displayed a willingness to listen, I would have sat down with them on the bench and shared with them a few things.
I would have told them that the worth of a man does not depend on his physical abilities to serve. A man’s worth is established in his bearing the very image of God who created him. A disabled man is not less of a man just because he can’t use his arms to lift heavy things.
I would have explained how Dave’s primary work in our family is to lead us spiritually, and he does a mighty fine job at that! What a man! I would have shared with tears how God is the one who gave me the physical work of caring for Dave and our family and how it is so stinking hard sometimes but God is good, he is faithful, and he provides. In our heartbreak over surgeries and medicines that didn’t provide ultimate physical relief, God has been faithful.
I would have explained how we didn’t write this struggle into our story; God did. And we didn’t deserve for God to write his grace into our story, but he did. I would have told them how I’m eternally grateful that because of the gospel, God gives me what Christ deserves instead of what I deserve.
God’s faithfulness to his name is the bedrock of our faith. This is the same foundation of truth for every Christian marriage, and the way he writes his story of grace over the lives of his children looks different for everyone.
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