Marriage: Primary or secondary?

One of the concerns I have about the often valuable emphasis on traditional values by the pro-family movement in our country is that we, as Bible-believing Christians, can elevate marriage and the family to a place God did not intend in our effort to demonstrate the importance, beauty and value of these institutions.

We should attempt to protect marriage legally. We should seek to build strong marriages and families. We should not, however, make these really good things -- which are gracious gifts from God -- into ultimate things, as Timothy Keller puts it.

In my opinion, John Piper is one of those pastors and writers who have succeeded at promoting marriage to its biblical position while demonstrating it is not ultimate. David Mathis of Desiring God pointed to this in a recent blog post in which he excerpted the following from Piper’s book, This Momentary Marriage:

Focusing on the pragmatic effects of marriage undermines the very power of marriage to achieve the effects we desire. In other words, for the sake of all these beneficial practical effects, we should not focus on them. This is the way life is designed by God to work. Make him and the glory of his Son central, and you get the practical effects thrown in. Make the practical effects central, and you lose both.

. . . I want people to flourish in every way. I want the poor to rise into joyful, self-sustaining, productive work and stable households. Therefore, for the sake of these good effects of marriage, let it be heralded with joy that there are reasons for marriage that are vastly more important.

Marriage is not mainly about prospering economically; it is mainly about displaying the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. Knowing Christ is more important than making a living. Treasuring Christ is more important than bearing children. Being united to Christ by faith is a greater source of marital success than perfect sex and double-income prosperity.

If we make secondary things primary, they cease to be secondary and become idolatrous. They have their place. But they are not first, and they are not guaranteed. . . . So it is with marriage. It is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime, or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short. It may have many bright days, or it may be covered with clouds. If we make secondary things primary, we will be embittered at the sorrows we must face. But if we set our face to make of marriage mainly what God designed it to be, no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our way. Every one of them will be, not an obstacle to success, but a way to succeed. The beauty of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain it.

In a post that is somewhat related, Al Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, wrote Sept. 11 on “Christian Values Cannot Save Anyone.” You may read it here.