It was 39 years ago yesterday I asked Linda Stark to marry me. Fortunately, she said, "Yes." Unbeknownst to me at the time, I had proposed on the same date her maternal grandparents were married. They remained husband and wife for 57 years until death separated them. In 2005, the wedding of our daughter and our now-son-in-law took place August 13.
At the time we were first engaged, then married about four months later, I could not envision all it would mean. I can say after nearly four decades, however, I not only am thankful for my bride but for the institution of marriage. It is God's exceedingly good gift to human beings. A marriage separated by nothing but death brings blessings a husband and wife likely never could have foreseen. I know that is true of me.
This reality dawned on me six years ago. Our daughter was experiencing difficulties with her heart after giving birth to their second child. As her parents, Linda and I were deeply concerned and called out to God for her welfare. I was driving home from the train station one evening when a thought strongly affected me: "I cannot imagine going through this burden over Catherine without my wife." What if we were no longer married? What if I did not have the mother of my children with whom to share this weight as my wife? What if we related to our daughter as two people no longer united as her parents in marriage? Thankfully, God restored our daughter's health through the means of a heart procedure.
I remain grateful in other ways for the permanence God designed for marriage and the gracious blessing that Linda and I are still united. I am thankful we truly share in all the joys and concerns regarding our children now that they are adults and have families of their own. I am thankful our children, their spouses and their children don't have to divide time between two households when they visit us. Linda and I are able to welcome them into our home. We share the same experiences and memories of them from their visits here, our visits in their homes, family vacations and holidays.
That was not the experience of my parents, who divorced when I was in college. My children, and my brother's children, did not know Granddad and Nannie as a unit. They had to go to separate homes hundreds of miles apart to see them. Our parents never welcomed them into the home they shared and experienced the joy of life together with grandchildren the way God intended. I wonder what unspoken regrets they harbored as a result.
Of course, keeping the covenant of marriage for life is not primarily about the benefits it brings. Marriage is, first and foremost, a display of the gospel -- of Christ coming for a bride He will love and keep forever. Marriage is established by a vow to God and to another person that is to be fulfilled come what may. That picture and that promise provide all the reasons we need to persevere through the trials marriages typically experience.
Yet, it is encouraging to know God has backloaded marriage with benefits a young bride and groom could never anticipate.
(Addendum: Some of you who have read this post might say, "I wanted a life-long marriage, but my spouse ultimately did not. So I have no way of sharing in these benefits." I am sorry for your spouse's sin and the consequences it has had for you. This was true in my parents' marriage. Please know, however, marriage -- as wonderful as it is -- is not a substitute for the greatest treasure in life. If you have trusted in Jesus to save you from your sins, He is your life and joy. In Him is the deepest delight, and He has placed you in a family that will bless you and be yours forever.)
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