Handling disagreements in the church (Part 2)

My first post on handling disagreements within the church focused on two recommendations:

-- Make certain your differences count.

-- Think, listen, speak and act with humility.

You can read that post here.

Here are two more thoughts on how church members should handle disagreements with fellow believers in their fellowship:

3. Seek to understand the other Christian’s beliefs. Some disagreements are based at least in part on misunderstanding. It is both unsettling and unhelpful for a church member to accuse another of believing something that distorts what he truly believes. As Christians, we can become deeply invested emotionally in disapproval of a particular belief. As a result, we sometimes have a difficult time backing down and humbling ourselves when we find out we have falsely accused someone who is in covenant with us in the church. Too often, apologies and requests for forgiveness are not forthcoming. The fellowship between two or more Christians suffers as a result, and so does the church’s health. If we think we disagree with another disciple, we should make certain we understand what he or she actually believes before we go any further. We should go to that person in a non-confrontational, non-judgmental way and kindly ask for clarification, demonstrating we truly want to understand his position. “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves,” (Phil. 2:3).

4. Think and speak charitably. Our attitude, words and behavior should be filled with grace and love while we discern if there is a legitimate disagreement, while we address any disagreement and while we determine what to do in light of a disagreement. Hopefully, we will be able to walk together afterward. Differences over non-essential doctrines should not divide and should be accompanied by a demonstration of one of the marks of true Christianity: “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Differences over essential beliefs may require separation, but they also should be accompanied by love.